Mario Jackson and the Smashers: The Smashball Thief
by SuperSaiyanParadoxx
Summary: For EC and PiTFTW's contest. Parody of The Lightning Thief. Chapters uploaded may not be 100% complete. Deal with it.


**First contest entry. Chapter not 100% complete yet. Still need to add the Journey to Camp Half-Blood. Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson or SSB characters.**

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Look, I didn't want to be a Smasher. If your reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book now. Believe whatever lie you mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.

Being a Smasher is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.

If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think its fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.

But if you recognize yourself in these pages—if you feel something stirring inside—stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before _they_ sense it too, and they'll come for you.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

My name is Mario Jackson

I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Gamer Academy, a private kid school for troubled kids in upstate New York. Am I a troubled?

Yeah I guess. I could tell you any point in my miserable life to prove it, But things really started going bad last May, when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhattan—twenty-eight mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Brawl and Melee stuff. Usually our Gamer field trips are boring, you may think they are cool since your name is Gamer academy, but trust me, It's not.

But my Latin teacher, Mr. Kong, led this one. So I had hope.

Mr. Kong was this guy in his middle ages that looked like he was a hairy monkey. Seriously. I don't think he shaves. He probably has back problems too, because he always leans forward when he walked, like he wanted walk like a dog.

You'd think that he was one of those boring teachers that drone on and on about when there was no technology, but he had these really cool weapons from the time of the Smash Masters.

I hoped the trip would be okay. At least, I hoped that for once I wouldn't get in trouble.

Boy was I wrong.

Bad things happen to me on field trips. Like launching fire balls at the ancient Koopa mushroom. Before that, we were at an aquarium, and I accidentally must have hit the wrong lever, because we suddenly went down a green plumber's pipe, and in with the fishies.

This time. I was DETERMINED to be good.

All the way there I dealt with Olimar a girl who HAS to wear a space helmet because "It's all I have left of my daddy!" throwing discolored radishes at my best friend Luigi.

I almost started to beat up Olimar, but Luigi advised me not to because I was already on probation. Looking back on it, In-school suspension would have nothing compared to what I got myself into.

Mr. Kong led the tour; showing us various baseball bats, assist trophies and stuff from the Brawl and Melee era. It amazes me that these artifacts have lasts for this long.

Mr. Kong stopped in a giant room with the statues of Meta-knight The god of the Underworld, Squirtle, the God of storms, and Pikachu, the God of skies and lightning.

"So class, can you tell me who Tabuu is, and what did he do? Mario ,can you tell me?" Mr. Kong asked.

"Well… Tabuu was a god an-"

"Titan, Mario, titan," Mr. Kong corrected.

"Fine, Tabuu was a Titan who at his children, except his wife hid Pikachu, the youngest child, and gave him a rock to eat instead. Then when Pikachu grew up, he tricked his dad, Tabuu, into barfing up his siblings."

"Right on, Mario!" Luigi exclaimed.

"Anyway," Mr. Kong continued, "Pikachu did indeed feed Tabuu a laxative that made him disgorge his other children, who of course, being immortal Smashers, grew up completely undigested in his stomach. They defeated Tabuu, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe and scattered his remains in Norfair, the deepest part of Subspace."

Mr. Kong is cool and all, but he pushes me way to hard, because he expects me to know EVERYTHING about Smasher history and Culture.

I have flippin' dyslexia and ADHD, and never got above a C- average in my entire life!

It was lunch break now, so I joined my class outside for lunch. The sky was stormy. The weather has been all messed up lately. Flooding, snow storms, wild-fire and lightning strikes and stuff.

So Luigi and I were eating lunch away from the other kids, hoping everyone else at the museum thought we weren't with the other crazy kids. I don't think I fooled them.

Well anyway, we were eating, then suddenly, Olimar comes over and dumps her half eaten radishes all over Luigi's lap. All of a sudden, Olimar is in the fountain. She is lucky to have that space helmet, otherwise she probably would've drowned.

"Mrs. Falconi, Mario pushed me!"

All the other kids were whispering how the water seemed to pull her in. Now I was confused.

Mrs. Falconi, the math teacher who seems to hate my guts, led me into the Museum. At first I thought she was going to make me buy a shirt for Olimar, fair enough. But then we go past the Gift Shop, and into the room we were just in. She starts to growl. Seriously, the look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was malicious.

The she tell me "It was only a matter of time before we found you out!"

Wait what? Did she find my illegal candy stash?

Then her eyes glowed blue.

BOOOOME

A flash of light; Mrs. Falconi grew wings and talons, and a big, fat beak. She transformed into some kind of… beast. With a razor-sharp beat and vicious looking talons, she probably wanted to slice me into ribbons.

Then out of nowhere, Mr. Kong appears. He throws me a small pen that transforms into the beam sword that he sometimes uses in class. Mrs. Falconi dove and I sliced her out of pure ADHD instinct, and she vaporizes into a pile of dust.

All of a sudden, I'm alone. The beam sword is now a pen. And there isn't Mr. Kong anywhere. What the heck just happened? Did it actually happen, or did I imagine it?

Believe it or not, things get even stranger.

When I returned to the front of the museum, no one even KNOWS who Mrs. Falconi is. Just a woman names Mrs. Lombardi. Not even Luigi and Mr. Kong know who she is.

For the rest of the school year, no one in my class knows who Mrs. Falconi is. I felt like everyone was playing a trick on me. My grades dropped from a C- to a D, then F. I can't control my anger anymore. I got sent to the hallway almost every class.

I eventually learned that I wouldn't be invited to Gamer academy for 7th grade. I was excited to see my mom, of course. But I am going to miss Mr. Kong and Luigi, and the countryside around campus.

Well Finals are around the corner. I don't think it's going to be pretty. Taking the tests after failing most of my classes won't be fun.

I decided to do well in Latin class so Mr. Kong won't think I didn't try. He wanted the best from me, so I tried my best.

Studying was terrible though, I can't remember all the Smasher's names and nevertheless, how to spell them. I got frustrated, so I decided to ask Mr. Kong for help. And to apologize for the bad grade I am probably going to get.

But as I approached Mr. Kong's office, I overheard Luigi talking to him. Now I'm not one to eavesdrop, but don't tell me you wouldn't listen to your best friend talk to a teacher.

Luigi said things like, "But he may not have time. The summer solstice deadline-"

Then Mr. Kong said stuff like, "the Mist over the students and staff will be enough to convince him" that he never saw or knew Mrs. Falconi. Right now we just need to focus on keeping him alive."

I dropped my textbook when I heard this, and Mr. Kong and Luigi started to inspect the area, but I was already running to the dorm, terrified by what I heard.

The next afternoon, as I was leaving the three-hour Latin exam, my eyes swimming with all the Greek and Roman names I'd misspelled, Mr. Kong called me back inside.

For a moment, I was worried he'd found out about my eavesdropping the night before, but that didn't seem to be the problem.

"Mario," he said. "Don't be discouraged about leaving Gamer. It's ... it's for the best."

His tone was kind, but the words still embarrassed me. Even though he was speaking quietly, the other kids finishing the test could hear. Olimar smirked at me and made sarcastic little kissing motions with her lips.

I mumbled, "Okay, sir."

"I mean ..." Mr. Kong paced back and forth, like he wasn't sure what to say. "This isn't the right place for you. It was only a matter of time."

My eyes stung.

Here was my favorite teacher, in front of the class, telling me I couldn't handle it. After saying he believed in me all year, now he was telling me I was destined to get kicked out.

"Right," I said, trembling.

"No, no," Mr. Kong said. "Oh, confound it all. What I'm trying to say ... you're not normal, Mario. That's nothing to be—"

"Thanks," I blurted. "Thanks a lot, sir, for reminding me."

"Mario—"

But I was already gone.

On the last day of the term, I shoved my clothes into my suitcase.

Luigi and I were in a bus to New York, when I asked him about the conversation with Mr. Kong. He lied saying he was concerned for me and was expressing his concern to Mr. Kong.

Luigi always was a bad liar.

The bus broke down and we all had to get off. Outside, besides trees and litter, are three old women knitting a giant pair of electric blue socks in a fruit stand. Luigi sees them to and he started getting worried, and tried to get me into the bus.

I don't move, but I stare at the old women as they stare back, the middle one getting a pair of golden scissors, and cuts a piece of yarn. I swear I could hear the _snip_ across the block.

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**R&R REMEMBER THIS CHAPTER IS NOT 100% COMPLETE!**


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